Teenage and college-aged girls tend to dream about weddings and husbands. They try on different roles like playing dress-up in their minds. What would it be like to be a pastor’s wife? Just imagine your life in a fishbowl where you had to be nice to the staring people. What would it be like to be a rancher’s wife? Hmm… the horses would be fun but calf nuts gross me out. What would it be like to be a missionary couple? I’d have to bring a suitcase of Q-tips and I wonder if I’d be able to find Hershey’s bars in the outdoor market. Anyway, you get the picture. I had a very active imagination and in boring lecture classes, I often daydreamed about possible future scenarios. Not once, and I mean NOT ONCE, did I ever imagine being a cop’s wife. Somehow, I glossed over that possible profession, probably because my subconscious knew that I was not cut out to be a Mrs. PoliceOfficer at that time. Even now, when I think about it, I wonder how I became a cop’s wife.
It’s not that I’m not tough enough. I’m a teacher at a fairly inner-city high school. I had a student in third period last year who actually robbed a fast food place at gunpoint. And at the last football game, much to my Hubby’s shock, I single handedly stopped a huge stampede of kids that were running to witness a fight. I’m tough, I tell you. They walked in an orderly fashion to the fight because of me. Hey, fights are interesting. What can I say? Anyway, I am tough. I can be downright scary. Just ask my seventh period class.
And it’s not that I’m afraid for his life. Although, I am a little bit sometimes. But he’s a crack shot. I think he can give the bad guys a run for their money. He’s going to be the best cop this state’s ever seen, no doubt. And I am very impressed with the way he’s been/being trained. I feel safe whenever he’s around.
So what’s the problem? Well, there are two. First- I hate guns. I know that it’s different when it’s used for law enforcement. But that also means that our kids will grow up around guns which scares me. Heaven help us if we have boys! I want to be able to feel good about letting them play with plastic guns and army men without having to worry about whether or not they’re going to find Daddy’s real gun and try it out on each other. Yes, I know this is a hypothetical way-down-the-road scenario. But it still scares me. Plus I have this silly theory that if we never have guns then we’ll never get in a situation where we need to use a gun. I know it doesn’t make any sense but that’s just my silly non-logic.
The second problem is the one that I didn’t see right off the bat. It sort of blindsided me. I don’t think it really has so much to do with the Hubster being a police officer as it does with him absolutely loving his job. What I mean is this- his job consumes him. In the bathroom there are guns and ammo magazines and Cops magazines. Every night on TV we’re watching a marathon of Cops or Swat or DallasPD or if none of the reality police shows are on then CSI will do. And that’s great! I love that he loves his job. I really do. I’ve seen him in the opposite situation (an awful, horrible, no-good, very bad job) and it was downright depressing. However, I feel a little bit like he has a mistress. Not an actual real life woman that I could find and beat the snot out of. (Did I mention that I’m tough? Don’t mess with my man, honey!) But a mistress that occupies all of his thoughts and can call him away at a moment’s notice during important things like birthdays and Christmas. It’s hard to fight her too because a big part of me is thrilled that he’s so happy. I guess, selfishly, I just wanted to make him happy all by myself. That’s terrible, isn’t it?
Anyway, all of these observations have made me realize that I need to turn this issue over to the Lord. It seems like I’ve been finding lots of issues to bring Him lately. That’s why I’m choosing this verse for Memory Verse Monday.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22